I recently wondered to myself which sort of person I'd prefer: one who is real kaso lang masungit or one who is superficial or fake nice. And all things considered, I figured I might as well take the real person--after having been burned, fooled and mislead by the "fake nices" of the world several times throughout the course of my lifetime. It's easier for me to deal with someone who admits they're not having the best day, that they're feeling sick, that something is wrong, that they've got a hidden agenda, that they're imperfect or scarred somewhere. That they feel strange, alone, manic or depressive. And it may be tough to swallow initially but I'd appreciate it more if you told something I didn't want to hear but at the same time something you genuinely felt. I have a few close friends who are like that and I'm really glad I do. They put me in my place and keep me on my toes in a good way. The fake nices I worry about, the ones who make like you're really close when you're not, the ones who tell you, "I'm doing this for your best interest" when, unlike the people who have stuck with you through your shining moments and down in the gutter moments, they just seem to be close when they need something or want make it appear like everything is fine in the universe between you and them. Many times the world can get superficial, it's all about appearances, we are a generation addicted to media, we need to get our fix. Our lives become little "Reality TV" shows. We often end up playing certain roles, certain types of characters adding to the one dimensional-ness of it all. And how we all must smile for Big Brother's cameras. To have people in your life who MEAN what they SAY or SAY what they MEAN, who you can look in the eye, who you have conversations with for hours on end and feel like you are making a true connection is a wonderful thing. To hear their voice, to see them smile at you while you smile back, to be wrapped in their warm embrace, to be able to pull up a chair next to them and just talk, to know they're not too far away is one of the incredible things life can offer. And while sweet, temporary magical connections can be made on the road, there's really nothing like just being with someone you've slowly developed a great friendship with. Someone who knows what you want or need from the bar, someone who'll just randomly say hi to you in the middle of the day for no special reason, someone who'll make you loko in a good way when you do something funny / stupid / embarrasing, someone who you can share your soul with who'll color it, uplift it and keep your openess with them safe, someone who'll get protective of you, someone who hands you emergency chocolate, someone who understands your strange moods. In a world where I've had to learn to be a bit more guarded, I salute the beautiful men and women I can let my guard down with. Thanks for letting me be myself. You all absolutely rock and yeah, I look forward to making you LAMUTAK when I see you again.
 | hmmmmm.....what brought this about? WELCOME BACK, K!!!!!! :<) |
 | i like my delusions, but reality is so much more interesting. :) |
 | I totally agree. You should read my latest blogs hahaha!! But on the flip side of the coin, I now find myself REALLY suspicious about people who are nice and sometimes, the ones who are genuinely so get caught in my paranoia. |
 | What you really are makes you one of a kind. Love you! =) |
 | woltgan wrote on Apr 22, edited on Apr 22 I hate 'fake nice'. Fuck 'fake nice'. Keep it real always and if some people don't like it, nosi ba lasi? Be true to yourself. At the end of the day it's all you've got. |
 | cultpoet wrote on Apr 23, edited on Apr 23  they just seem to be close when they need something or want make it appear like everything is fine in the universe between you and them.  I hate fake nice people.. posers & I can be so transparent with them.. I don't like stoic people too |
 | tjdario wrote on Apr 23, edited on Apr 23 What a coincidence! After this bad experience with a fake nice, I'll go for real masungit anytime! If they are super nice and seem to suppress their real feelings, then beware!
Especially with guys who are generally not expressive or can't communicate their feelings well, go for the real ones who are transparent. The fake ones will betray you without even knowing it! I blogged twice about this experience in the last 2 weeks. And this was about a female friend. |
 | You know, it's funny you bring this up. I've been struggling with this issue lately, but from the other perspective. What if you had a choice between being totally true to yourself but turning people off, or being...not naman fake, but a tamed-down version of yourself in order to keep the peace and maintain relationships? It's easy to say, "be true to yourself," or "real friends will accept you for who you are," but things aren't always so black and white. Your post helps to validate me, and makes me love you more as a friend, but I can't help thinking: does it have to be one or the other? There are, after all, many people who are real AND nice (like you!), so doesn't it then behoove the rest of the real people to try and be more personable, too?
Off-tangent, but analogous topic: at work (not just in my industry, but in general), assholes are tolerated -- even celebrated -- because they are brilliant. Everyone knows how horrid they are, yet they still admire them, want to work with them, even be their friend...probably in the hopes that the genius will rub off on them. I understand separating one's work from one's personality, but just as being nice won't help you keep your job if you're incompetent, I don't think great work should excuse bad behavior. Yet, more and more, I find that most of the world seems to value one's output over one's character, in the same way that fake nice people often succeed more than the real masungit ones.
Have I been making sense, or does it just sound like rambling? Sorry...I've been turning these matters over in my head lately. |
 | oh man, "fake nice"?? thats pretty much sums it all up.. fake. yeah I would rather deal with the person who is real, and usually if they are brutally frank, i dig it even more because its funny! |
 | Ugh I had a run-in with a "fake nice" recently. I "fake nice"-d her back. A part of me regretted I didn't put up a fight, like I usually do. No more Ms. Fake Nice Girl. Heehee. ^_^ |
| tjdario wrote on Apr 23, edited on Apr 23 Hello Lagkat. That's why I'm out of the corporate world, because that culture does not suit me. That is not the "success" I envision for myself. I don't want a dichotomous life, nice when I'm with my family and playing the game at the workplace. I still prefer a place that will value character over output and will not tolerate bad behavior.
I guess the compromise is being nice so that you can also function socially, but meaning it. And when you can't stand it, pull away slightly or momentarily till you can. |
 | And while sweet, temporary magical connections can be made on the road, there's really nothing like just being with someone you've slowly developed a great friendship with. Someone who knows what you want or need from the bar, someone who'll just randomly say hi to you in the middle of the day for no special reason, someone who'll make you loko in a good way when you do something funny / stupid / embarrasing, someone who you can share your soul with who'll color it, uplift it and keep your openess with them safe, someone who'll get protective of you, someone who hands you emergency chocolate, someone who understands your strange moods. Wooooooooooooow. @,@ One would be really really blessed to have those people around him/her. While they take care of you, they also help you grow.
...As for "fake nice" people and betrayals.... Lalalalalalalala...... (>,<) It's hard to really know who your REAL friends are these days... |
 | eto na naman ako...
what about me!?
I'M FAKE MASUNGIT!
bwahahahaha! |
 | "Can somebody tell me now who is this terrorist
Those girls that smile kindly then rip your life to pieces?"
- Tori Amos
|
| Ooohhh, Ene, good quote! Karen will love that! |
 | Oh my gosh yeah, a relative of mine who was never really there when I needed any support gave me that "I'm always looking out after you" shtick and it immediately got me thinking "OK, what does that person want from me?"
Will go over to your blog in a bit A! |
| It really is all you've got at the end of day--the real you. How does that saying go? I'd rather be disliked for who I really am than liked for who I am not. (Though the best deal on the planet is BEING LIKED FOR WHO YOU ARE ey?) Sometimes it takes way too much effort to be someone else and there will be people who can see through you anyway. |
| Hey Joonee--how's it going?
Stoics are hard to read no? Different category altogether! |
| Janine, I'll go visit your blog and Aimee's blog too.
Hay naku, I feel so horribly guarded na it's kind of terrible to turn cynic this way but after recently having a conversation with someone who kept saying they had my interests in mind and could I "please sign on the dotted line"...I really don't mind hanging out with people who have that bit of an edge, really! The last time I told someone they sucked and I was told right back that I sucked too was a strangely liberating and uplifting experience. |
| Wow Katrina, great points you brought up there. I know there are times when you'd really rather shove someone or smash something and run off in an escape vehicle but of course you just exercise a level of zen and restraint and in a way you are being true to yourself too. You know like those scenes John Cusack has in High Fidelity when in his mind he's throwing a punch or whatever but in reality he's still "behaving." It's still REAL because it's just your higher self lang taking charge. It's still you.
And I'm not advocating sungit but it's almost like if I were pushed into a wall I'd end up choosing it over being fake. Yeah the coolest option ever for a human being would be both GENUINE and NICE. And I guess this blog celebrates the people in our lives who are both genuine and cool who we embrace on their good days and bad ones. |
| Fake nice smiles, fake nice friends, fake nice houses, fake nice hairs all in place, they say all the right things at exactly the right how completely Stepford! |
| I was at this street party type thing as well and encountered one overly eager overly nice overly flattering character. I excused myself immediately to have chips with a recluse!
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| Ay grabe. I have dear friends who totally spell things out for me when I do something they don't like or think is stupid. And I totally hear them out after all these are also the same people who have been with me when the chips were down. They're the people I'll seriously take advice and criticism from. There are so many people out there who'll tell you how to run your life, who to see, what to wear, what to learn, where to live, how to go about your career but who are "they" really?
It takes special skill though to be both brutally frank and funny! |
| Nick, you are in a category all by yourself and I hate it to break it you but you are goofy, unique and sweet in a bizzare way. |
| It really is a blessing and if I could make a list of the good things in my life it would be knowing people who I can be both freely talkative or freely silent with. And I miss them when I don't get to see them as often as I'd like. |
| The work situation has popped up several times in the comments section actually. Well professionally we clearly have to sometimes push aside personal differences and takes on other people just so a project can flow smoothly. I've been involved with several projects where I've had one person on the team not like me or me have suspicions about another person but well, the task has to be done and at least at some point you know it will be over.
When you find people who do care, it's indescribable. And sometimes when certain things happen to you, you'll find that random person who you didn't expect send you a long pep talk in the email, an encouraging or ask you out for coffee. You'll find lurking carers. God bless 'em all! |
Comment deleted at the request of the author.
| cultpoet wrote on Apr 24, edited on Apr 24 When you find people who do care, it's indescribable. And sometimes when certain things happen to you, you'll find that random person who you didn't expect send you a long pep talk in the email, an encouraging or ask you out for coffee. You'll find lurking carers. God bless 'em all funny though, I've got a date tomorrow with a gurl who broke my heart a year ago. but I didn't expect her at all to respond after such a long time. as for the other situation.. yep.. it's definitely stoic. hehe |
 | it's hard to find real people... you shouldn't just give your heart to someone so easily... |
 | yup.sana ako ung isa sa mga lalamutakin mo pag baba natin...wag lang sobrang lamutak kasi sa edad ko at sa pag-bibisyo ko, hindi na elastic yung balat ko...parang playdo na....baka hindi na bumalik sa dating hulma.....hehe...good morning, karen. nakita mo na ba baby ko? bisita ka naman sa site ko.... |
| ano dinosaur sa tagalog? - T(tagalog)-Rex.korek, ang matindi dyan, kung sino pa ung umutot-sya pa ung unang nag-tatakip ng ilong. may naalala ako-3 years ago sumama ako sa isang x-mas gift-giving mission ng isang lay catholic organization ( di ko na sasabihin pangalan ng grupo)kasi member dun ang tita ko...nag-aabot kami ng mga plastic bags na may bigas, noodles, sardinas, toys, etc. sa may baseco compound - naknam...!..ung isa ba namang member dung matrona- habang nag-aabot ng gifts - nakasuot ng surgical gloves at maya't maya nag papahid ng hand sanitizer...! natawa na lang ako.....ano kaya naramdaman nung mga binibigyan nya ng "gifts"? |
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